I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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