If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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