Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
