John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
