remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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