im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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