remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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