I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
