i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
