the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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