It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
