you guys were way drunker than both of me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
