ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
