I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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