Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
