I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
