Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize