At least make sure they are 18
Why
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
