My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
