I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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