the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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