at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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