Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
