Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
