Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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