I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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