Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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