Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
