Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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