this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
