It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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