I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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