I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
