Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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