he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
