I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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