her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You made out with two different species that night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
