go do what you do best...puke behind churches
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
