Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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