So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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