Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
love makes seman taste better
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
