Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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