Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize