At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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