Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
