Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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