my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
