so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
