Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
