I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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