Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
