the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
