Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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