So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
