I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Please don't give away my fajitas
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
