ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
