I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
