Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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