I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
