shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
