doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
