apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
