no, he came in my armpit
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize