physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
