why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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