Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Betty ford says i'm here all night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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