i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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