There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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