Do you still have your period?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
