I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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