Umm I'm too high to move.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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