I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
