I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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