pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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