We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
